To my son..

To my son whom I love very much, my life was shit before you were born and after you were born you completed my entire world. You gave me hope to be a better person, to be a stronger person, to be the mother that you Need. You gave me inspiration to do better, not only for my life but for yours so that you could have an amazing life. The day you were born I just knew that you and I would have a bond that nobody could ever break. You filled my heart with joy and love in such a dark time of my life.

I knew when you were inside of the womb, that my life was going to change forever but in the best ways possible. YOU open my eyes to everything that was going on around me, that I needed to take care of to give you a better life. You made me realize that nothing in this world mattered but you and your well being. I would die for you. If I could hand you the world on a silver platter I would.

I still aim to give you the best life possible. You are my everything,.my world, my brightest star. Russell Lee Taylor, My handsome little chunky baby. You may be four but You will always be my baby. I love your laugh, I love the way you make faces with me, i love it when you sing your silly little songs even if it’s just the chorus on repeat. I love how excited you get, I love to see how excited your Face gets . I love how you have so much love for Everyone, once you start school I’m gonna be a hot mess I’ve spent every day with you just about since you’ve been born..

To my son: I will never give up on you, no matter how hard it gets. No matter how much trouble you give me. I will always be right there by your side to correct you when you’re wrong. To guide you in the right way. I will never guide you in the wrong path, take my hand and mommy will show you the way. I love you with all my heart, with all my being. I will always do my best to let you know that you are always loved. That you never have to feel unloved. I won’t put you what my mother put me through. I break the cycle starting with you, my world, my everything, my son.

To My Mother Part 2

Let me start by saying this everyone has a mother and they should cherish to their mother whether their mother truly cherishes them is upon that woman.

My mother never appreciated anything I ever done for she took advantage of me in my weakest moments. She used me for her own personal gain throughout the years.

When I was just 10 my father passed away and my mom knew that I had began receiving monthly money from social security, well something along those lines, and yet instead of using that money to help me or let me join in any school activities she spent it on herself and whatever else they needed.

Anytime I would ask my mom for just 5 or 10 bucks it would be a big issue because somehow the money would already be gone. I don’t feel like she ever truly love me, I feel like she did certain things just to kind of keep me happy so I wouldn’t just take off. There will be times I would ask her to drive me somewhere so i wouldnt be walking in dangerous areas, you know what she did.. she never came to pick me up instead she told me to walk back.

When I left and move back down to Georgia to be with my grandparents, she wouldn’t do the right thing about the money, instead she put up a fight about it. Only send me 200 out of it and that couldn’t really get us by. My grandparents were not only taking care of themselves with them being sick they also took care of me. So in return I started to cook and clean and do everything I could for them so they had it easy because they took care of me. When I look back at everything I feel like my dad’s parents raised me more than my mom ever did. my dad passed away when I was so young that he didn’t have a chance to really raise me.

Recently within this last year my mother used me as her pawn. So she RUN away from her problems, so she wouldn’t have to deal with them. They thought that we would just take care of them, but no that was never the agreement. They not only made us spend so much money in food but the bills went up a lot, stress was high, there was too much going on and couldn’t even enjoy life.

Before they even left she was talking shit, Didn’t think that I heard her. told my brother in law that she hate us because we’re stupid motherfuckers because, she wouldn’t get on to her kid because he was destroying my house and being a bully to my kid. I wasn’t gonna stand for that. Wesley would just push him down for no reason She destroyed my pool cover. she wouldn’t own up to her shit and her dog was tearing shit up as well. She didnt do a damn thing about them instead encourages them. Since they left she wouldnt talk to me instead talked MAD shit about us. But yet I’ve stayed being the bigger person.

Rustys birthday rolls around, does she call and wish him a happy birthday. My step dads birthday was 2 months later couldnt find his number because she blocked me off their phones. Convient huh? Then thanksgiving rolls around nothing along with christmas and new years. Nothing not a single peep.

So recently I did what was best for myself. She proved to me I was right all along. And I deleted her and blocked her from everything. And I’m treating it like a toxic relationship break up. I’ve even deleted pictures and videos of her. I will not be questioning myself why my mom doesn’t love me, I’m gonna be questioning how to make my son never feel that way.

Even the shittiest of people are your family…

To my mother..

I know they say you only have one mom and to treat her right, but what about a mom who is selfish, and treats her first like a redheaded stepchild? What excuses could society have for that? My mother has never treated me like she shouldve. She was never there for me, she always bailed when I absolutely needed her the most. She always threw up the fact she wanted a boy and not me during every petty argument or any arguement period. A mom doesnt do that.

My mom lied and used me as a pawn in her moving scheme. Because shit hit the fan in Virginia she thought running away from her problems would work in Georgia. Well I hate to be the bearer of bad news but that’s not how this works. Your issues will always find you no matter how far or fast you run. My mom purposely lied to me for her own selfish gain. Pretended to care and wanted to “be closer to us” but really didn’t show when she showed up trying to blame everything on my fiancee. Nothings his fault. You decided to pack up one day and assume it was okay to live with us. Without consulting us or anything.

To my mother, if you ever read this, I think the way you treat me is bullshit. I think you lie about way too much. You have sticky fingers and need to keep your hands off my stuff. I think now you have wesley that you dont need me anymore and that yall baby that sorry piece of shit way too much. He needs his ass WHOOPED. But you dont instead you act like a dick when someone else corrects him because you wont. I think you also exposed yourself when rustys birthday rolled around and you knew it was but couldnt even be bothered to pick up the phone and call your grandson for his birthday. He was waiting to hear from you. You treated us like dog shit but you lived in our house, ran up our bills, used up our water, ate our food, broke a ton of shit, and everything else but you treat us like shit. Let’s not forget that you wont even watch your grandson because he was whining hes a toddler hes working on himself. What about your grown son who still acts like that? That’s right you dont do shit. You literally have lost me as a daughter because, I dont want to be anything fucking like you. I STILL try to be nice and talk to you but you blow me off and hit me with the single letter text. So that’s fine all that time you wasted lying to me really shows

Dear white privileged cheerleader,

You are a piece of human garbage. You can say you are “forever sorry” all you want but your actions speak louder than your words. Your reasoning for murdering such an innocent baby is complete bullshit. There are hundreds and hundreds of good couples looking to adopt a baby and instead of doing something that’s right for the baby you go and off her.

All because you didnt want to be a 18 year old single mother. Well news flash they make condoms and birth control for a reason. It really heats me up you literally only spent a week in jail then 3 months probation. Fuck you. You killed a baby you deserve to serve a life sentence in prison. And not like OITNB prison. Like one where your in fucking lock down 24/7.

Straight up you got off with a slap on the hand when you shouldve gotten so much worse of a sentence. What’s worse is you dont even show any remorse on your face or any of that. All you cared about was your image and your body image. Had no issue murdering your baby so you could have your “belly back”. I hope child protective services get involved if you ever have another child. You are not fit what so ever to have a child.

I really hope you rot in hell you waste of space. Skylar Richardson you do not deserve to walk free, and I seriously hope karma comes around and fucks you all the way up. I hope this not only ruins your image that you were so worried about but I hope it makes your life beyond difficult.

Sincerely,

A pissed off citizen who thinks skylar deserves to rot.

Ps. You are the definition of white privilege.

Family.

Let’s talk about family but first let me start by saying, everyone’s parents or guardian has raised them differently. No person acts the same, and everyone had their own quirks. Quit being snooty we all know you do weird shit Karen.

Well recently my “family” decided to pack up everything after 20 something years of living in the same house on Dona Avenue and move to Georgia. Their excuse was ” because we wanted to be closer to you and the baby” but when in all reality they only did it to run from their problems expecting someone to take care of them. We were used as another pawn in their game.

When asked their reasons for moving, it was never a straight story in fact the subject would be changed and avoided at all costs. When asked to help out they did the bare minimum. Mind you they added 3 more adults another DESTRUCTIVE child and dog. That kept messing shit up or tearing it up. Did they get onto them? Nope in fact they coddled both the dog and child for messing shit up.. my lesson my family is fucking bullshit and will always treat me like an outsider. My mother got the son she always wanted. So I’ve washed my hands clean. My own mother has done nothing but drag us through the dirt since day 1.

Some nights..

Some nights I lay awake and wonder what life could’ve been like if I could change certain details in my history, knowing that it could drastically change my life, but nothing too major. I just would have rather skipped a bunch of bad things that happened because of poor choices I made. But we live and we love. That’s all we really can do.

In my eyes…

In my eyes ill never be more than an outsider. No matter how hard I try to fit in… I’ll never be like everyone else. But im okay with being me. Not everyone is going to understand me or like me, but i’m okay with that. But it hurts when you try to be a good friend everyday to several “friends” they just blow you off. I understand that people get busy, people dont have to talk every day to be friends.. .but i’m tired of everyone being dickkkks too me because I extend a nicer side that I prefer to hide.. but in my eyes they make me feel like I’m not good enough.

Excuse my petty ass rant needed to just get it out and over with! Not about anyone in particular just needing to let some pent up feelings go.

Nights like these..

On nights like these I am glad i’m not home alone worrying over someone who was not worrying about me.

I got a chance at a real relationship. I normally would’ve messed up my relationship but pushing them away and hiding what I feel and just pick stupid fights. I was used to everyone giving up because I was unbearable. The man I was blessed with helped me communicate better, helped me grow, made dreams turn into realities. I have a damn good man.

2 years ago It wouldn’t have been the same story. It’s amazing how dramatically 2 years can make a difference .

Domestic violence needs to end.. Men and women need to get their shit together and quit taking their demons out on loved ones. Seek professional help, no ones judging you. Mental illness and anger issues are not a joking matter. They are serious. Dont be afraid to ask for help.

One day at a time…

Here I am nearly two years later after my attack, I still have my bad days. My mind messes with me, and I still have issues with wearing certain necklaces. It still replays over and over in my mind. I will never forget what happened. I know they say forgive and forget, but I cannot seem to do either. I am a very forgiving person but I do not feel like I could ever do that for my attacker and his accomplices. My life has definitely changed in these past two years dramatically but I never can begin to understand why he ever did what he did.. not all men are monsters, not all women are monsters either just a few bad eggs in the world.Here I am nearly two years later after my attack, I still have my bad days. My mind messes with me, and I still have issues with wearing certain necklaces. It still replays over and over in my mind. I will never forget what happened. I know they say forgive and forget, but I cannot seem to do either. I am a very forgiving person but I do not feel like I could ever do that for my attacker and his accomplices. My life has definitely changed in these past two years dramatically but I never can begin to understand why he ever did what he did.. not all men are monsters, not all women are monsters either just a few bad eggs in the world.